The Culture of Class
By LMReviews on Jun 14, 2009 in Multicultural Society, Self Culture
An experience I had while in New York in April made me think of the irony of adulthood and class.
For myself, I thrive on my independence. Most things I would rather do myself. The some members of poorest of classes often find it difficult to accept help or charity. I don’t know how many rags to riches stories I’ve heard where the person making that leap talks about how hard they struggled and no matter how difficult it got, he or she never accepted government assistance.
I’ve heard this several of times from men with siblings who were raised by a single parent. They are awe-struck with how a single parent with little or no education managed to raise multiple children without seeking welfare or other forms of government assistance. It speaks of that ability make your own way and work hard to make things better.
The irony showed itself to me when I was at a high-class Italian restaurant. Every little thing was done for me. Even my napkin was placed on my lap and intricate details of the menu were explained. If any of the waite staff noticed my attempt at getting up they rushed over to pull out my chair and refolded my napkin in my absence.
I find it interesting that those who start with nothing work hard to be able to do things for themselves…provide an existence for themselves. While those with the means, seek to have others do things for them. It may have something to do with the work required to attain that status, but those of us not quite there yet, look for money to provide us the opportunity to do more…not less.
Which option is best probably depends on preference. If you’ve worked hard for a real long time you would enjoy others taking care of you, but if you have never taken care of yourself, having others do it conjures up feelings of helplessness rather than accomplishment.
It goes to show most things require the context in which it occurs before a fair analysis can take place.
If you had the means, would you pay someone to tend to your every need or would you still actively participate in the running of your life?
Thank you for having such interesting posts. If I had the means as you said to have someone do everything for you. I wouldn’t. I would do everything I possibly could for myself. I have medical conditions that limit things I can do. The main thing is walking. I’m doing good to walk from the Wal Mart parking lot to the store to get one of those electric ride shopping carts. There is no way I could shop whith out one. I don’t really like to use them, but I am a realist. I do or use what tool it takes to help me make it through the day. I look others walking in the store or running to their cars when it rains and think I used to be able to do that. I also used to get upset about it. I accept the fact that I probably won’t be able to get around like I used to. Accepting and liking are two different things. People see me as a nice, friendly person who laughs and jokes with everyone. That’s my nature. Being grumpy and snapping at people isn’t, especially at loved ones, especially at times when my meds are working as well as they should or I over extend myself. I have one major rule about my meds. No narcotics. I could get my doctor to prescribe more powerful drugs, but I won’t. I dislike the way they make me feel. My current meds take enough of the pain away to allow me to function. As the day goes by I sometimes can forget the pain. Again, I wish I didn’t have to take them, but they’re tools that let me function. With out these tools I use, I would not be able to run two businesses or shop for my family or my Mother-in-law. I forgot to mention my wife is in a wheelchair so I get to do a lot of the housework. I am also a disabled vet. The VA has helped me more than any other government agency. They’ve treated me for my back injury and other problems. I’m not rich and I’m not on welfare. I own businesses because no one would hire me. I wouldn’t hire me, so I can’t get mad at other employers. I once tried to get disability and was turned down. It seems that having three fracture sites in your back didn’t qualify me for disability. That was when I decided I was the only one who would be able to take care of me. I don’t used tobacco, drugs or alcohol as escape or for crutches. I refuse to lay down and give up. This is how I was raised and it has served me well. So I think you see why I don’t like others doing for me that I can do for myself. The things I can do for myself is slowly being taken away so don’t take away the things I can do for myaelf prematurely.
G W Pickle
Sorry to split my comment, as I said I own two businesses and I had to leave to take someone somewhere. I just wanted to finish by saying that I do what I do because nobody else is going to do it for me. I don’t go around trying to get people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want that. I want people to respect what I’m doing, or at least trying to do. I take full responsibality for my life and do not blame anyone for what has happened to me. I believe that a person must accept responsibility for their own life. I also believe in charity and helping others when help is needed. I was taught form childhood that you must give back to your community when you’re able. It doesn’t necessarily mean giving money, giving of your time and talents is just as important. Another important factor is one’s attitude. I think Jimmy Stewart said it best in a line from in movie “Harvy.” He said. “In life, you can be oh so smart and clever or you can be nice. I’ve been smart and clever and was misserable. I prefer being nice.” Over the years my attitude has changed, Like Stewart I’ve been oh so smart and clever when I was young. Now that I”m so much older, I prefer being nice. I feel so much better about myself. My attitude, love, and religious beliefs have served me better than anything else I can think of. Having people to wait on you hand and foot is ok for some people. People who take away my ability to do for myself by doing everything for me and not allowing me to try doing it myself is a bad thing. I hope that I will be able to live a long and happy life and not burden my friends and family. I want to work as long as I can and to take care of myself. When the time comes and I can no longer do things for myself. I will not be bitter or feel sorry. I will continue to do what I can and accept what others must do for me, with dignity and grace, knowing I did the best I could.
G W Pickle
Thank you so much GW for your posts. I always appreciate your responses. Everything you’ve said is valuable and wise. I’ve been told that “no man is an island” and that I should rely on others more. I admit that while I am generally a very pleasant person I am not very social. From the time I was a child living in a one-bedroom apartment before my parents split, I’ve always had a thing about feeling secure and feeling like the only person I could truly rely on is myself (God-willing of course). I’ve never felt more secure or comfortable than when I provide for myself and do things on my own.
As a matter of fact, I feel uncomfortable or like I am taking advantage if someone does something for me that I can do for myself. It just doesn’t seem right in my mind.