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I’ve mentioned before that I relish my independence. It may have to do with the fact that I am quiet, observant and guarded. Many associate these traits as weak or timid. I think it has more to do with my discomfort with vulnerability and maybe I just haven’t met that one person who you always want to be around.

It seemed to me there was a time in society where people valued independence. They enjoyed making a way for themselves. Lately, it seems, many people don’t like to be alone at all. They move from their parents’ house to a living space with friends or their significant other of the moment. I’ve even heard of people having children to prevent themselves from a lonely existence. I mentioned to a friend with social phobias that I overcame feeling awkward in public by eating out alone or going to the movies alone. Another friend cringed stating that he didn’t want to be considered “a loser.” I think having all your experiences wrapped up in who is with you is very limiting. You’ll never know who you’ll meet or what experienced you could have when you’re alone. It gives you the opportunity to witness what’s around you because you’re not so caught up in who you’re with.

Sometimes I can understand why one would avoid being alone. I know that feeling of unimportance or invisibility because there’s no one depending on you or looking forward to you coming home. I’m often reminded by those in relationships or those who are still close to their parents’ nest, that my existence must be less than because I’m not responsible to anyone but myself and no one relies on me.

Now those who live alone are a source of curiosity for others. This strong desire to couple up or group up regarding a living space could simply be a means to save as economic security is still uncertain for many. Or it could be the avoidance of truly getting to know the most important person in our lives; ourselves.

As a matter of fact, those who don’t live with others are often viewed as selfish because there’s no compromise or sharing of decisions and control. But I think they may be the most strong, because there’s no one else to blame or rely on for your troubles or your failures. You are the architect and the construction worker of your own life both in public and in private.

Shear independence may not be for everyone but I think that everyone should try it just once. It makes the times you share with others more valuable and it causes you to really be responsible for your choices, because if your life isn’t how you’d like it or how you imagined it, the only person preventing change is you.

As writers we often hear the advice to write what we know. I may have started out that way but I often quickly find that my stories move into unknown territory. My first novel was differently based on experience but it wasn’t based on my experience alone. I added many layers that were not part of my own biography.

What made me come to this conclusion has to be when one of my clients wanted to know if I knew anything about commercial landscaping. I had never written on this topic before and we’ll see how I do when the assignment begins tomorrow, but my response to him was, “I didn’t know anything about the other projects you’ve assigned to me.” Lucky for me every one of those assignments went off much better than expected. I never thought I would be writing about a Christian childcare center, patio cover company, two locksmithing businesses, watch repair, an appliance repair business and a fire safety corporation. Not only have I written about those things, I’ve done a pretty good job at it as well.

Thanks to research and some critical thinking about what people want and what they expect from an interaction with any of these businesses has been my guide.

So the next time you wonder if you can write about something, remember that you really don’t know until you try. Certainly research is huge, but how you translate that research into relatable experience that causes people to connect is the real test.

A few weeks back I spent several weekends watching the entire six seasons of Sex and the City. Several of the episodes had a writer’s commentary. We’ve all heard of director’s cuts and commentaries as well as actors sharing their two cents. But, this was the first time I had a chance to hear a writer talk about the writing of an episode and how it fits in the overall series. Instead of a commentary panel, it was the actual episode with voiceover from the Executive Producer and writer, Michael Patrick King.

The commentary was very useful because unlike others, King discussed what was written from dialogue, setting and characterization and also matched up the director’s interpretation of what the writers created.

King also discussed symbolism in the behaviors of the women and how it changed over time as well as their challenges. Its what made a good series and frankly it is what made the show much better than the book.

As a writer, I enjoyed how King illustrated how the actors personified different emotions and character traits in performing the characters. Things like having Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker)’s hair change lengths and colors as well as her battle with smoking and her weakness with Mr. Big.

King also talked about how each of the women represented different view points in society on any given topic they would discuss around the table or on their walk through the city.

Since setting isn’t my strongest point when writing, it really helped to hear how a writer made it another character in the story. New York is definitely the fifth sustaining character in the series, but because like the women it is always there.

Want to grasp greater depths in your writing? Think about how it would play out in front of a camera, because while your books may not have pictures, your readers will being picturing your story in their heads.